Tag Archives: depression
In our time (at our age): Facts & Figures
1. “During 2002-2006, women aged 20-24 had the lowest incidence rate, 1.4 cases per 100,000 women.” 2. “The 5-year relative survival rate is slightly lower among women diagnosed with breast cancer before age 40 (83%) compared to women diagnosed at … Continue reading
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11 August 2009: my worst self
Finally the sun attempts to break through this cloud cover. I’ve been feeling as if I’ve been trapped in some horrible globe with an unreal atmosphere. And all the time there is this tension between us, everything so diseased, so … Continue reading
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9 July 2009: Why is there not a discovery in life?
Another bout of this, a day wasted, hours and hours in bed, wet pillowcase. Pain in my armpit. The inability to do anything–and those horrible lines from Love Story, a movie I haven’t even seen, but which has somehow pervaded … Continue reading
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6 May 2009: some infinite thing
Told, at the hospital, as expected but still shocked into despair, that there’s been no response to the chemotherapy. All these months for nothing–the cancer in there, ‘no response,’ like an obstinant child. Ineffective drugs–the equivalent of having done nothing … Continue reading
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23 April 2009: “How do you justify your existence?”
Oxford’s full of chattering Americans. It was strange, uncomfortable, to step off the train and walk past this, my most persistent milieu, the one place in my life (the world) I’ve not quite managed to leave. Incredulous at the thought … Continue reading
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still looks like cancer: or, reality bites
A confession: I really love this movie. I used to so adore and identify with Lelaina (Winona Ryder) and her angsty smart girl Big Gulp post-college existence. But now it’s Vickie (Janeane Garofolo) with whom I identify, or this part … Continue reading
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Your next bold move
Last night I cried myself to sleep for the first time since I’ve been home, which is pretty good, I think, considering I’ve been home almost eight weeks. What was partly a blessing but now seems the biggest curse about this … Continue reading
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Stop it, stop it, stop it.
You know that scene in American Beauty where Carolyn Burnham has the emotional meltdown in the empty house? Today is a little bit like that. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt quite so alone. I mean, I am, so … Continue reading
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Honestly…
Waking in the middle of the night with a train passing like a heartbeat, and having the same out-of-sleep empty-hours thoughts as I did the days after diagnosis–did any of this actually happen? And the crushing realization–yes. That may be … Continue reading
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