Tag Archives: fear
2 August 2009: 31,000 feet
Taking off from Cleveland as the red sun dips in the sky. From the air the network of streets and trees, ponds and houses seems delicate and deliberate. So many blue swimming pools. My hair is falling out again. To … Continue reading
Filed under treatment journal
18 June 2009: the worst possible outcome
I had prepared myself for the worst possible news but still not quite expected it–mastectomy, or a waiting list for one at least. A terrible uncertainty, weeks or months of waiting for worse news. For the moment, waititing to see … Continue reading
Filed under treatment journal
23 April 2009: “How do you justify your existence?”
Oxford’s full of chattering Americans. It was strange, uncomfortable, to step off the train and walk past this, my most persistent milieu, the one place in my life (the world) I’ve not quite managed to leave. Incredulous at the thought … Continue reading
Filed under treatment journal
16 April 2009: Chemo #2
I thought I’d be calmer for the second chemo treatment, which was obviously a gross miscalculation of my character. Upon arrival I was handed a sheet with a mammogram request on it; notes dated 26 March stated: ‘suspicious lesions on … Continue reading
Filed under treatment journal
Jade Goody & the mythology of redemption: the spectre of cancer in the media
Jade Goody–the Big Brother reality television “star”-cum-cancer martyr–died the day before I started my own chemotherapy. I remember standing on the platform at the Royal Oak train station, waiting to go to the hospital for my first chemo treatment, looking … Continue reading
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