Tag Archives: happiness
12 August 2009: the visible universe
Five months exactly since I saw the surgeon for the first time. Leaving the tutorial on To the Lighthouse, meeting K. at Barons Court tube station and walking to the hospital and treating him horribly. That infernal wait in the … Continue reading
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Oxford 2005
That moment, that photo, that spring–Trinity term–perhaps happier than I’ve ever been. I slog through all of this ‘survival’ hoping to someday feel that kind of happiness, to have that kind of love and wonder, again. – the kinges power and is … Continue reading
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2 July 2009: die happy
Another horrible dream several nights ago of perpetual pursuit and eventual death–waiting for the poison to work to its purpose like Act V of Hamlet, and desperately wishing there were something to say to K., something to express love that … Continue reading
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28/29 June 2009: un très petit séjour
More à l’aise in Paris this time–even despite the terrible reality of the disease I am more comfortable than last August, not plagued quite so much by the horrible anxiety and sadness. A function of not being entirely alone, perhaps–the comfort … Continue reading
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an abstract insight wakes
Oh my God, I thought: I’ve been happy. Happy like a human being. And it makes me want to not take my pills. I’m not scheduling any more appointments; I don’t want to set foot inside a fucking hospital. I went to UPMC last … Continue reading
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23 April 2009: “How do you justify your existence?”
Oxford’s full of chattering Americans. It was strange, uncomfortable, to step off the train and walk past this, my most persistent milieu, the one place in my life (the world) I’ve not quite managed to leave. Incredulous at the thought … Continue reading
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