Tag Archives: quotations
9 July 2009: Why is there not a discovery in life?
Another bout of this, a day wasted, hours and hours in bed, wet pillowcase. Pain in my armpit. The inability to do anything–and those horrible lines from Love Story, a movie I haven’t even seen, but which has somehow pervaded … Continue reading
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23 June 2009: a cry for connection
Awash again with chemo after Dr. S’s U-turn in treatment (a standoff in his office yesterday, his defensiveness and awkwardness and my ever-present frustration and anger)–decision to go ahead with the final two chemo treatments with a view to mastectomy … Continue reading
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peeping over parapets
Two things today: “…no wonder one peeps over the parapet into an inviting abyss” & “…deserves great respect, having preferred the beauty of death to the ugliness of life.” -Nabokov, Pale Fire
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23 May 2009: horrible alien logic
St. Ives: Virginia Woolf’s lighthouse from the living room window. Too beautiful to be England, I thought. How could anyone fail to find peace & happiness when perched so extraordinarily in this perpetual novel-setting? I’ve been beset with gifts, kitsch: a … Continue reading
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14 May 2009: Fatal Flaw
“I have two luxuries to brood over in my walks, your Loveliness and the hour of my death. O that I could have possession of them both in the same minute. I hate the world: it batters too much the … Continue reading
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Ash Wednesday
Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return. Not really too hard to do these days. I am so desperate to be alive right now that I wonder whether I am confusing self-destruction with living deeply [“having … Continue reading
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6 May 2009: some infinite thing
Told, at the hospital, as expected but still shocked into despair, that there’s been no response to the chemotherapy. All these months for nothing–the cancer in there, ‘no response,’ like an obstinant child. Ineffective drugs–the equivalent of having done nothing … Continue reading
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4 May 2009: A posthumous existence
Briefly at least there was the fantasy of escape, of brilliance and meaning. Yesterday we bought lottery tickets and dreamt up delusions of what we’d do with the winnings–travel, and study, and open an English pub in Michigan. My disappointment … Continue reading
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“Morning”
“I’ve got to tell you how I love you always I think of it on grey mornings with death in my mouth the tea is never hot enough then and the cigarette dry the maroon robe chills me I need … Continue reading
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