Tag Archives: surgery
12 August 2009: the visible universe
Five months exactly since I saw the surgeon for the first time. Leaving the tutorial on To the Lighthouse, meeting K. at Barons Court tube station and walking to the hospital and treating him horribly. That infernal wait in the … Continue reading
Filed under treatment journal
11 August 2009: my worst self
Finally the sun attempts to break through this cloud cover. I’ve been feeling as if I’ve been trapped in some horrible globe with an unreal atmosphere. And all the time there is this tension between us, everything so diseased, so … Continue reading
Filed under treatment journal
10 August 2009: Choice
Terrible foreboding and loneliness. The two of us in this house together and nothing but discomfort between us. I wish I could feel warmth, comfort, closeness. All outward signs are there: he takes me to the hospital, makes my meals, … Continue reading
Filed under treatment journal, uncategorized
Aftermath
Amazing series of photographs by photographer Kerry Mansfied, Aftermath, documenting her mastectomy and reconstruction after a diagnosis of breast cancer at the age of 31. I love what she says: “Faced with the nihilistic process of radical chemotherapy and surgery, my … Continue reading
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2 August 2009: 31,000 feet
Taking off from Cleveland as the red sun dips in the sky. From the air the network of streets and trees, ponds and houses seems delicate and deliberate. So many blue swimming pools. My hair is falling out again. To … Continue reading
Filed under treatment journal
16 July 2009: the same sad, sick self
My brain’s still operating strangely, slowly, a sluggard of drugs. Three o’clock in the afternoon, having only just really begun the day. Tea and Scrabble with H. earlier, feeling strange and anxious all the time. Last night—the experience of seeing … Continue reading
Filed under treatment journal
18 June 2009: the worst possible outcome
I had prepared myself for the worst possible news but still not quite expected it–mastectomy, or a waiting list for one at least. A terrible uncertainty, weeks or months of waiting for worse news. For the moment, waititing to see … Continue reading
Filed under treatment journal
still looks like cancer: or, reality bites
A confession: I really love this movie. I used to so adore and identify with Lelaina (Winona Ryder) and her angsty smart girl Big Gulp post-college existence. But now it’s Vickie (Janeane Garofolo) with whom I identify, or this part … Continue reading
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Scar
Each Scar I’ll keep for Him Instead I’ll say of Gem In His long Absence worn A Costlier one Emily Dickinson
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‘not cancer or anything’
So I’m having myself a wee bit of surgery today. That’s something I didn’t think I’d have to say anytime soon. I need to have a lump sliced outta my mouth. As above. Last week the ear nose & throat man … Continue reading
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