I’ve been reading a lot about cancer lately. As in, a lot more than usual. More on this later. For now, I just want to take a moment here to publicly profess my love for Tania Katan. I’ll admit, I was a little put off by the cupcake on the cover of her memoir, My One Night Stand With Cancer, when I picked it up alongside Geralyn Lucas’ Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy (which I’ll feign to reserve judgement on, as I’ve not yet read it).
But Tania. Katan. Kicks. Ass. Jewish, queer, BRCA-positive, comic, writer, two time breast cancer survivor (at 21 and 31). And she’s turned it into a one-woman show: Saving Tania’s Privates. Trailer:
I love women with cancer. I love funny women. Funny women with cancer…amazing.
Which is why I’m sort of enamored with this girl–author of the blog Cancer is Hilarious and the forthcoming “world’s awesomest comic book,” Terminally Illin’.
Alice, my best friend of yore, sent me this.
“I thought you’d either find it hilarious…or be really offended.”
“The lady at the post office asked if I was sending it to my mom. She thought she was in on the joke.”
Not many people are in on the joke.
[This is the girl who, when I told her they were gonna cut my tit off, suggested she could make one for me out of a chicken cutlet.]
I’m going to take it to work…and confuse people. The mug, of course, not the cutlet-tit.
This morning I had a mammogram.
I thought — the last time I did this, I had two breasts.
I had an ultrasound as well, which resulted in a pseudo-PTSD flashback of the first time I had to have a breast ultrasound, shortly before the needle biopsy left me bruised and and bleeding and crying, riding home alone on the Tube, shocked and dazed and terrified.
Today, the doctor opens with, “I don’t want to scare you, but…”
and ends with, “I’m sorry. You’re too young for this.”
The recommended course of action, apparently, is a screening every six months, alternating mammograms with MRIs. These tests are so panic-inducing, I’m not really sure I’m down with that.
Remember that old Saturday Night Live Land Shark sketch? The Jaws spoof with the shark knocking on the door: “Candygram.”
That’s what I feel like whenever I hear the m-word. That something sinister is lurking on the other side of the door.
Knock knock. Mammogram.